My Open adoption journey
How adoptive parents decide to do an open adoption is a personal one. Each situation is different as well as each relationship. When you choose an open adoption, you are essentially choosing to have a relationship with a new family. When I started our adoption journey, I was a scared new mother. We did years of fertility treatments and 3 rounds of IVF until we eventually had to come to the conclusion that building a family by our own means just wasn't going to happen. Closing that chapter and opening a new book was a difficult transition. I feel that it changed me for the better though.
When we eventually got Jackson, I was still scared. I was scared someone would come take him from me. Perhaps it was too many true crime shows and podcasts that I listened to (still do) or my insecurity. But we started off with meeting at my parent's house (which was in the middle of our locations) and meeting in public. We had facebook and I kept a detailed blog for Abby to look at when she felt she could. We promised to meet at least 3-4 times a year.
But then we got Kennedy. Things were different with Megan. Instead of space, she needed to know that Kennedy was alright. We invited her to our home a week after she was born. She could see where she slept, what our home was like, what we were like. We texted multiple times a week, the girls would make video calls when they want to show their birth families something, or we met when we can.
One thing I feel passionate about is the birth grandparents. Jackson is his grandma's only grand son. Kennedy and Madi are the only grandchildren for Megan's mom and the only grand daughters for Megan's partner's mom. We meet when we can. I love having them come babysit and spending alone time with them. When we went on a small trip, the girls got to spend a few nights at 'Nana's' house. Both the girls and Nana counted down the days. You can never have too much support and love for your children. Why would you limit that?!? The families that are in our lives are supportive and kind. We are lucky to have such respectful, loving, and understanding families in our lives.
Another reason I have chosen such an open adoption for my kids is fear of regret. I fear the regret of NOT letting them get to know someone that they could have known. Of NOT forming a relationship that could have been life changing. While we don't have a relationship with Jackson's father for safety reasons and we don't have a strong one with the girl's other parent because of their own personal wishes, we try to invite all that will bring positivity to their lives.
One example of this is Pop pop. Pop Pop, or Randy, is Megan's step dad. Since the day Kennedy was born, Pop pop was a favorite. He always volunteered to hold the baby or change their diapers. He had a lot of health issues that took a lot of his energy and gave him a lot of pain to deal with. He was on dialysis among other medical issues from the past. But the girls never saw that. All they saw was Pop pop. And they loved him for it. When the adults were talking about things that probably didn't matter, Pop pop was taking the kids for a walk around the apartment or showing them something cool. He came to birthday parties, Easter egg hunts, etc.
Then in August 2020, we were so excited when he finally got a kidney transplant. It was a difficult surgery and a long recovery, but things were finally looking up.
Imagine what it would have been like if we had a closed adoption, if we didn't have activites, created memories, or got to know Randy while we did?
My kids still talk about Pop pop. We talk about how much we loved him, how much fun he was, and they love to watch videos of him chasing the girls around their home.
I choose open adoption for my kids so that they can have the relationships that will form them into who they will become, to help them know where they came from, and to never live with the regret of keeping them from that love.
Comments
Post a Comment